Today (08Nov07) Karen and I were supposed to be at the doctors’ office with her most likely receiving the first dose of Taxol to help destroy the cancer. I know this because she had it programmed into the calendar on her cell phone. Karen and I tried to make each doctor’s visit a day we spent together as if we were courting (dating) again treating the doctor’s visit as an interruption to our time together instead of the reason we were going. I’d give anything to have another date with her.

I’ve not posted since the Celebration of Life service, nor answered or responded to many phone calls, messages or letters though if you left a message (and my voicemail worked properly) I did get it and very much appreciate it. Emotions come like waves in from the ocean onto the beach. I’ll be alright one moment and flooded with emotions the next. I find it difficult to talk right now and wouldn’t want to be bringing you down with me.

How am I doing is the most asked question. Indescribable pain and utter loneliness is the best answer I can give to how I’m feeling at this point. The children and their needs keep me on track and in touch with reality otherwise I would probably be a complete mess.

Speaking of the children, I know many are concerned about the children and I will quote my oldest that best summed up the situation Tuesday night (6 NOV) when he said, “Dad, I think you may have prepared us better for the possibility of mom’s death than you did yourself”. He may well be right. More probably the reason is they have the child like faith we all need to have and though we’ve all had our sad times, at this point for them, their mother is in heaven and is happy, healthy and they will see her again when their time here on earth is finished.

To the questions about whether or not I continue to update this blog, the answer is yes but only for a short while. I don’t know how long that time will be but I will not continue this blog indefinitely. As I posted in an update more than two years ago on Monday, August 29, 2005,

“…. instead I'll make a commitment, barring unforeseen circumstances, to send an update for posting every Thursday until Karen is pronounced NED (no evidence of disease). We know God is going to heal her and trust Him with details of how and when. I'm choosing Thursday because Karen's doctor appointments normally fall on that day.”

We now know how and when God healed Karen. That said I am praying as to what if anything I should do with respect to further public communication of our lives going forward.

For now, I will continue to post on this blog and plan to share some of the moments last shared with my dearest friend and wife. I close this update with the video created for and played at the Celebration of Life service. Special thanks to Skip Erdman for all the time, energy and love spent in making this available. It’s a bit grainy, but shares a quick story in picture and song of a woman who made the most impact in my life of any person God ever put in my path.

Click here for the Celebreation of life video. ***Caution this will connect you to You Tube which is open to the public for posting. Click twice but ONLY the play button showing over the picture of Karen. I urge great caution in clicking on other available links on this site.