Dearest Family and Friends,

Please forgive the lack of a posting. Trying to find our new “normal” has left me little free time. That’s not a complaint, simply a fact. We are doing well. I’ve also been praying about what, when and how to communicate the final time Karen spent among us.

Honestly, I find it easier to put the experience of those last days on a shelf in the back of my mind and close the door. At the same time I want to chronicle this time for my children, family and friends. It's a time filled with pain, love, forgiveness, hope and even some humor.

I’m OK with where I am and really do feel the children are doing well all things considered. Karen and I spent many hours talking about what life may look like without her being here and her desires for me and the children. We do not desire her back in this fallen world and rejoice she is Home. I count both the time I had with her as my wife and the fact I will spend eternity with her as my sister as a great gift from God.

I have decided that once I’m able to get down on paper the last moments of her time here, I will close the blog. It will still be available, but will no longer be updated. It will be time to move on. I’m still praying about starting another blog to share the next seasons of our lives.

The text to follow is picking up from the posting of 29 October 2007.

After arriving home from the paracentesis Karen took a shower and rested in bed. A friend from church brought dinner and Karen wanting to eat with us got out of bed and came and did just that. After dinner she went back to bed. Shortly after cleaning up from dinner the children were ready for bed and we prayed as a family. Everyone went to bed except for me. I wanted to post an update before going to bed as I had agreed to work the early morning shift the next day and wasn’t sure when I would get another chance to post.

Finishing the post I came upstairs and Karen reminded me we needed milk so about 23:30 I went out to get milk. When I returned I prepared for bed and a few hours sleep. Karen, a light sleeper, awoke when I entered the room the same way she did from the day we were married. She told me she thought she was “leaking”. Coming to her side and pulling back the blanket I found the sheets and her night gown soaked on the side where she had the paracentesis. We quickly got that squared away and called the emergency after hour’s service for her doctor. Karen, knowing well what questions they would ask had already taken her temperature, etc. We were advised it wasn’t common for there to be leakage from the site but it does occur and that she should come to the hospital so they can evaluate the situation. It was about 01:00 in the morning Saturday, 27 October.

Only two times since Karen was diagnosed was I not by her side whenever she went for a doctor visit, test or treatment. That morning would be third. She insisted I go to bed because she wanted me to go to work. We both felt this would be a simple check up and she would be sent back home.

Karen’s mother and dad (Carl) took her to our local emergency room. After getting the sheets changed and laundry started I did as I was told and went to bed. Waking a few hours later to a call from Carl that they were going to admit her because she got nauseated and there was a small amount of blood present. They planned to observe the situation but still there was no great cause for concern. Karen was nauseated almost daily for over 2 ½ years, so it became part of our norm.

At this point, I called in to tell my co-workers I wouldn’t be at work due to Karen’s admittance. Her mom and dad stayed with her for the early morning hours and I stayed in touch by phone. The hospital isn’t more than 5 minutes from our house. I got the children up and fed them breakfast. Karen’s mother called about 09:00 and said Karen wanted me there. We arranged a swap with Carl coming over to watch the children while I came over the hospital.

When I arrived she was awake and very alert. She wasn’t hooked to any monitors and in a very basic room. Shortly after my arrival the doctor arrived and we were ready to go home. However the doctor said he felt it best for her to stay a least one day to make sure the leaking had stopped and for general observation. When the doctor left, Karen’s mother left to go be with the children.

Karen and I were planning childcare and lunch. She was hungry having not eaten since dinner the day before. The time was about 11:00. The food arrived and I was nauseated just looking at it. It was a the biggest hot dog I had ever seen; overcooked (burned really)drowned in chili with a side of onions. I asked the lady who was still serving other rooms if there was a possibility of getting something else. A short time later she returned with a grilled chicken sandwich.

Karen felt she needed to use the bathroom before lunch and got herself out bed and to a portable toilet that had been placed next to her bed. We were joking in disbelief that if you weren’t sick when you came to the hospital you certainly would be after eating the food. Our conversation turned to other foods (we both love to eat!) and if I should go and get her something else. She was still seated when she said something’s not right and that was it. She stopped mid sentence and her body went limp. I lunged forward and I caught her. There was no pulse and no response from her; just like that she was gone. I couldn’t find a button to push for help so I started screaming. Screaming like a manic.

It seemed like a long time before anyone came and the first person on the scene was the lady that delivered lunch. She just stared at me holding Karen. I started screaming at her to get a nurse or doctor. Again it seemed like a long time before anyone came, but it was probably only a matter of a minute or less. The whole time I’m screaming and holding Karen.

A nurse came and quickly realized what was going on and then there were nurses everywhere. They got Karen back in the bed and then tried to usher me out of the room but I wasn’t having it and they quickly abandoned any efforts of getting me to leave. I called Karen’s mother and told her to get there as quickly as she could.

The nurses began chest compressions and in short order the nurse closest to Karen was startled when Karen reached up, grabbed her arm and said in a firm voice “THAT HURTS!”

At this point I spoke with Karen and she spoke back. I don’t remember what was said other than I love you. The doctor was back on the scene shortly after. He pulled me aside and said he was admitting Karen to ICU and calling a gastroenterologist to come in and see if he could help determine what was going on. The same doctor that caused Karen and me to leave Newnan in the first place, seeking more competent medical care. My response was quick, “Anybody but him”. I was told this was the only gastroenterologist licensed to practice at the hospital. I said I would have her flown by helicopter to another hospital. His response equally as quick, “She won’t survive the flight”.

I’ve never felt such a rush and range of emotions like I was feeling at this point. I despised this doctor. My best friend, wife, mother of my children in this man’s hands; I begged God for another way.

The rest of our story as I’m able, please continue to pray as often as you think of us.

In Him,
Darren